The Best Friend I Don’t Have (yet!)
My “about” page is one of the most popular pages on the site, and I have a rather lame description of who I am. ” I am in my mid-twenties, live in Forest Hills, NY with my boyfriend and pretend puppy.” (Those of you who would like to write their own about who I am are more than welcome! They will be posted.).
Thanks to Jamie who gave me some great shout-outs, I have a bunch of new readers (hi!!!). One of these readers questioned what a pretend puppy could be. (As in: I am Erica. I am in my mid-twenties, live in Forest Hills, NY with my boyfriend and pretend puppy.) And so I shall tell you.
Our “pretend puppy” is the amazing, well-behaved, adorable puppy that my boyfriend and I don’t have. Why don’t we have a puppy? For starters – our apartment building won’t allow it (it’s the only form we had to notarize). Then comes the other issues of we aren’t really home enough. And because I work about an hour commute from where we live it would mean either Frank (my boyfriend) is mainly responsible, or that I have to always come straight home from work – negating the joys of living in NYC. Also, Frank is gone for a good portion of the summer, each summer (he’s an archaeologist and works in Iceland) and that leaves me responsible for another living being. I have had some success with a mint plant, but I wouldn’t want to push it. But mainly – it’s the apartment thing. And the expense, and the lack of overall responsibility.
The thing is? I really love puppies (in my head – all dogs are puppies). Some women my age are baby crazy, and some spend a lot of time planning some sort of ridiculous dream wedding. I am gaga over dogs. I can’t imagine that if and when my biological clock starts ticking, how horrifying I am going to be. And Frank pretends he isn’t that bad, but I am pretty sure he is a secret commenter on the Daily Puppy.
So, we have a pretend puppy. We have long, detailed discussions over who is cleaning up the poop it just made, and who has to walk it on the cold mornings. We debate on whether its appropriate to have a puppy sleep on the bed (of course – I think that’s the reason to have a dog). We have had actual fights over our imagined canine responsibilities.
I have no idea how we would raise a kid, but I know we are on the same page regarding dog food, training techniques and how Frank hates the term “parent” in relation to domestic animals.
Sometimes we name our pretend puppy (of course, it depends on the breed, the coloring and temperment) , and we sneer at dog owners we feel are doing the wrong thing. We make notes of who in the neighborhood carries doggie bags, and which owners make their dogs wear t-shirts. We are awful.
Then, there are the debates and endless research about the best breeds. There is the championing of favorite breeds and the lists of absolute no-no’s (sorry pug owners). I hate dogs with beards, and Frank has a thing against Rottweilers. We both love Huskies, but sometime their eyes freak me out. And we both like big, BIG dogs, but we know we are apartment bound for quite some time. So, then we have to determine which fantasy dog fits the fantasy lifestyle. When in reality, when we are ready, we will head to the shelter and just pick the best dog that works for us and we can give a good home.
Excuse me, while I go look at puppies on the internet, and use my cursor to pet their little bellies and scrach their noses. I need help. Serious, serious help.