I think we learned that I can be a little neurotic. And it’s always extra awesome when I sometimes realize that things I do are not in fact, normal.
I was talking to someone a few days ago about a new either hair product or body scrub or something I wanted to try. But its something that has to like soak in for a few minutes (I think it was a hair masque. Also, who do I think I am with a “hair masque”?) and I didn’t know how to fit it into my shower routine. They looked at me quizzically. Apparently, having a shower routine is not normal and they asked me to explain.
Well, I have two kinds of showers. “The Standard” and “The Supreme (I swear I just made these names up. They weren’t really previously named in my head).” Regulars are the daily kind. I prefer to shower at night and the showers are about 6-7 minutes long. I get in, soak, shampoo up. I shave my pits (usually every other day). Rinse. Put in conditioner. Spend some time with my big poufy shower thing and some body wash. Maybe relax a bit and feel a little guilty about the hot water, but convince myself that the conditioner needs some extra time to do its thing. Rinse hair, rinse body, get out of shower. Standard.
“The Supreme” is where the variation comes in. But, since I am a creature of habit, and not known for a large beauty retinue, it’s usually about the same. Get in, soak, shampoo up. I occasionally use a dandruff shampoo and this needs to stay in for about 3 minutes. I use this time wisely. I do my pit shave and then with my bonus time, I may choose to *gasp* wash my face.
I will break here and note – I have pretty decent skin. I actually even receive unsolicited compliments. It can occasionally be a little dry, and I do get the occasional blemish, but I do nothing. I wash my face in the sense that it gets wet in the shower, and I splash water on it when I brush my teeth. Lately, I have been semi-good about putting moisturizer (with SPF) on in the morning. But other than that? Nothing. I have been doing this I’m about 13 or 14 and kept breaking out because my friends were obsessed with new face cleaning regimens. I dropped out and have been pretty good ever since. Apparently, I am getting older now, and require “product.”
So, I exfoliate/wash my face with my beloved Apricot Scrub. By this time, I am ready to rinse my hair. Then, I put in conditioner. This is when the legs get shaved. Then, I rinse as normal. So you see, not complicated!
But now I just bought some sort of body scrub. And I am charmed by the idea of this hair masque. How the hell do I do this? The masque needs to stay in for 10 minutes! Do I stay in the shower? Get out? Frank won’t let me out of the bathroom until I am done, because I have a charming habit of drip-drying all over the floor. So I would have to bring some sort of reading material into the bathroom. Do I stay in the shower, and just waste hot water? Find something else to clean? I could brush my teeth, but that’s only two minutes and I have a fear of being electrocuted by my electric toothbrush (yes, I know that’s insane). What do other people do? And what about this exfoliant? I think the people at The Body Shop told me I use it in place of shower gel, but I need to use these little crazy mitts. Do I then body pouf after that with something more soothing? Do I have to moisturize when I get out?
Why is this so complicated for me? What are your shower routines like? Do you even have one? And don’t make me go into my modified “gym shower” routine.