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Shower Schedules

April 2, 2009

I think we learned that I can be a little neurotic. And it’s always extra awesome when I sometimes realize that things I do are not in fact, normal.

I was talking to someone a few days ago about a new either hair product or body scrub or something I wanted to try. But its something that has to like soak in for a few minutes (I think it was a hair masque. Also, who do I think I am with a “hair masque”?) and I didn’t know how to fit it into my shower routine. They looked at me quizzically. Apparently, having a shower routine is not normal and they asked me to explain.

Well, I have two kinds of showers. “The Standard” and “The Supreme (I swear I just made these names up. They weren’t really previously named in my head).” Regulars are the daily kind. I prefer to shower at night and the showers are about 6-7 minutes long.  I get in, soak, shampoo up. I shave my pits (usually every other day). Rinse.  Put in conditioner. Spend some time with my big poufy shower thing and some body wash. Maybe relax a bit and feel a little guilty about the hot water, but convince myself that the conditioner needs some extra time to do its thing. Rinse hair, rinse body, get out of shower. Standard.

“The Supreme” is where the variation comes in. But, since I am a creature of habit, and not known for a large beauty retinue, it’s usually about the same. Get in, soak, shampoo up. I occasionally use a dandruff shampoo and this needs to stay in for about 3 minutes. I use this time wisely. I do my pit shave and then with my bonus time, I may choose to *gasp* wash my face.

I will break here and note – I have pretty decent skin. I actually even receive unsolicited compliments. It can occasionally be a little dry, and I do get the occasional blemish, but I do nothing. I wash my face in the sense that it gets wet in the shower, and I splash water on it when I brush my teeth. Lately, I have been semi-good about putting moisturizer (with SPF) on in the morning. But other than that? Nothing. I have been doing this I’m about 13 or 14 and kept breaking out because my friends were obsessed with new face cleaning regimens.  I dropped out and have been pretty good ever since. Apparently, I am getting older now, and require “product.”

So, I exfoliate/wash my face with my beloved Apricot Scrub. By this time, I am ready to rinse my hair. Then, I put in conditioner. This is when the legs get shaved. Then, I rinse as normal. So you see, not complicated!

But now I just bought some sort of body scrub. And I am charmed by the idea of this hair masque. How the hell do I do this? The masque needs to stay in for 10 minutes! Do I stay in the shower? Get out? Frank won’t let me out of the bathroom until I am done, because I have a charming habit of drip-drying all over the floor. So I would have to bring some sort of reading material into the bathroom. Do I stay in the shower, and just waste hot water? Find something else to clean? I could brush my teeth, but that’s only two minutes and I have a fear of being electrocuted by my electric toothbrush (yes, I know that’s insane). What do other people do? And what about this exfoliant? I think the people at The Body Shop told me I use it in place of shower gel, but I need to use these little crazy mitts. Do I then body pouf after that with something more soothing? Do I have to moisturize when I get out?

Why is this so complicated for me? What are your shower routines like? Do you even have one? And don’t make me go into my modified “gym shower” routine.

16 Comments leave one →
  1. Frank permalink
    April 2, 2009 12:02 pm

    Remember when I dropped that $100 face cream into the toilet?

    I say just go for the 10 minute shower.

  2. Rob permalink
    April 2, 2009 2:18 pm

    Hair Masque steps:

    (1) tilt shower head down as much as possible (if it is adjustable).
    (2) turn on the water to desired temp and make sure it is pointing as far away from you as it can then get in on the far side.
    (3) wet your head and do the hair masque thing but try not to get the rest of yourself too wet or soapy.
    (4) once your hair masque is “hair masquing” turn off the shower and get out and dry off so you can walk around and not drip everywhere like a savage neanderthal. keep a towel on your shoulders so as to keep hair dripping contained.
    (5) sit down and chill – make a post here or something.
    (6) after 10 minutes go back in and rinse off and complete your shower routine (whichever you have chosen to do for that day).

  3. April 2, 2009 4:16 pm

    OH MY GOD. I do this too. Only what you call “Supreme” I call “Deluxe”. It’s a weekend ritual. Like a weekly extra-scrub.

    I can’t wait to tell The Mister that someone else does this too!

  4. April 2, 2009 6:08 pm

    I would skip the masque all together! too much stress. I usually ignore the product directions…..have you ever seen the video about how to shower like a man vs a woman? hi-freakin-larious. I am telling you. I have no real shower routine….I guess, just soak, wet, shampoo, condition, wash face (apricot scrubbers unite), PTA, rinse, and ta-dah…..

  5. April 3, 2009 3:31 am

    There are very few people that can make an entire blog post about a shower routine at all entertaining to read.

    You didn’t succeed.

    Just kidding!

    Hair masque? Really!? We didn’t discuss this… I feel so out of the loop. How can you be contemplating complex body scrubs and hair masques without consulting me?! This is a travesty.

  6. Steffi permalink
    April 3, 2009 5:07 am

    Thank you sincerely for this post. It is so witty and funny it actually made my day (which started out to be an “I’m-trying-not-to-punch-anyone-today” day)

    • April 3, 2009 6:48 am

      Awww, thanks! Your comment made my day. Although I firmly stand behind you if someone gets punched anyway.

  7. April 3, 2009 1:13 pm

    Shave your legs while the hair masque is on – be crazy and shave all the way up.

    I have routines, but I’ve never named them and I’ve never consciously thought about not fitting something into my routine. But i’m a super girly-girl and my shower looks like a spa – scrubs and washes and masques and body polishers and moisturizing goo. I’ve got four shampoos just ’cause.

    Brad hates it that i don’t dry off completely and like to air dry.

    • April 3, 2009 1:27 pm

      I feel the need for clarification. I have never consciously named these routines until I started writing the blog post. In my head it was probably just “short” and “long”

      I have been trying to buy less “stuff” for the shower because I am making an effort to buy fewer products made with pthalates or lauryl sulfates. This limits the amount of cheap stuff I can buy, and makes the expensive hippie stuff not as much of an impulse purchase.

      • April 4, 2009 9:20 pm

        Yeah – when i say my shower looks like a spa – unfortunately I mean the kind with four kinds of shampoo I can only buy at a froo-froo hotel in SoHo for $28 a bottle. Sigh – it’s true. I’m an expensive product whore.

        • April 4, 2009 9:37 pm

          (sssshhh. I just said all that stuff so Frank wouldn’t realize how much this junk costs. Although I did mean it about the hippie stuff. Not destroying the world is expensive.)

  8. April 4, 2009 3:24 pm

    I do the express route: hydrochloric acid to remove dirt and rime, beltsander for smooth skin, electricity for styling hair.

    It is all very Jetson-esque. 😉

  9. April 6, 2009 8:16 pm

    Oh my god, I do this too. I didn’t have names for them, but I am going to now.

    • April 8, 2009 10:18 am

      Please let me know if you come up with anything really awesome! And a name for the Gym-Modified routine would come in handy too!


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