There’s been a lot in the news lately about “bromances” and a few years ago, Sex and the City had everyone talking about the real, and important relationships between adult women. And these are all good things. Friends are important! I have had the same core group of girlfriends since first grade. We actually refer to the girl we met in 7th grade as “the New One.” As a teenager I always got along better with guys. I even claimed to not get along well with other girls. Looking back, I can see what I meant (I got tired of the cattiness and insecurity) but in truth – my annoyance was I believe more a function of age and maturity than it was of gender. Now? I am generally mistrustful of women who don’t have any other women friends.
But – I digress. This entry is about girl crushes. You see, I am generally pretty heterosexual. I have only ever been in a relationship with a man, and forseeably – that will remain the truth. But I get tremendous crushes on other girls. Not in a sexual sense (although most of my friends are absolutely gorgeous!) but in a “Oh my gosh, you are the most awesomest creature alive! Let’s be best friends!” sense. (I have literally done this. More than once.)
Some crushes are stronger than others, and some turn into amazing long-lasting friendships. Others really never get off the ground, and I realize that I was totally blinded and the person is actually really kind of irritating. Or I have idealized them into something they totally, totally are not. Some crushes peter off and I revert to my normal, regular version of friendship.
Lately, I reconnected with an old friend and I am crushing all over again. I can’t wait to hang out with her, and we are telling each other ridiculous inside jokes. We “broke up” for good reasons, a long time ago – but I think we have both changed a lot. This is coming right off the crush-tail of my new-found friend Jamie. Frank actually calls her “my girlfriend” and my excessive, apparently-not-so-unlimited text bill will confirm our infatuation.
Which brings me to a conclusion I realized this morning. I am dating! I have been in a comitted relationship with Frank for over 5 years, and we have been lucky to be relatively drama-free. I think that my relationships with these women have become a substitute for the dating and crushing and obsessing that I did when I was single. And it’s kind of a win-win, because I get all of the fun and companionship and less of the heartbreak and having to wear painful high heels.