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When you make a match, you play with fire

February 26, 2010

playing with fireLately there have been a spate of single friends of mine getting acquainted with other single friends of mine. Sometimes, I’ve given the union a little … help.

But please, don’t think that I am just throwing any one who’s single at any one else who’s single. I think that’s only a recipe for disaster, and I am not one of those “couple” people that want to make sure she has other “couple” friends. In fact, since my boyfriend is frequently a social hermit, it’s actually easier for me to have single friends so that I don’t end up being the only one whose partner isn’t there.

But every once in awhile, I get a hunch.

All of a sudden, I’m looking at friends in a way that I (probably) haven’t look at before. Would I want to date them? What are their positives (those I probably know, because hey – they are my friends). What are their negatives? After listening to one person’s stories of dating failures and successes, do I think this other person would make them happy? Is he the kind of guy who would make sure to help you change a tire at 4 am? Would she be nice to his awful mother? Would she even be attracted to him? Is he going to be okay with her collection of stuffed animals? And then all of a sudden I’m taking people I love and putting them in leagues.  It’s awful.

Hooking friends up is so … exposing.

And then I am sure my friends are thinking to themselves “This? This is what she thinks I’d be attracted to?” or wanting to kill me because I forgot to mention some adorable quirk that would certainly be a deal-breaker.

Oh? Did I not mention his blankie? Don’t worry – it’s great when you get cold! But did you see his awesome collection of vintage soda signs?

I also tend to be an open book. Which means I tell funny stories about my friends, or I’ll vent about an issue or tell goofy stories about a night out, not thinking that in the future, I may want two people from disparate groups to meet. And then I get the brilliant force telling me “make a shidduch!” and the person I bring it up to inevitably says “Wait, isn’t that the same guy from that story where someone got left in a tree?”  There’s very often a point of no return from there.

It’s just not worth doing unless you are pretty sure it’s at least going to work or end up in a new friendship. Because the last thing I want is for some people to absolutely hate each other and then I have to worry about putting them in the same room for the next 50 or so years.

Inevitably, initially, there becomes “sides.” I mean, if you get the story equally from everyone, it’s just a disaster. And you can’t help but feel used or way over-involved. I tend to avoid this by not putting really close friends together so this way, it’s obvious where my loyalty will lie.

Then there’s also the risk of over-sharing.  Normally, I love over-sharing. But there are some things about my friends that I am pretty sure I really, really don’t want to know.

C’mon, like you didn’t know I would include a little Fiddler on the Roof?

  1. February 26, 2010 10:57 am

    Hooking up friends can be very tricky. I’ve done it once and, thank God, it worked out.
    .-= Kim´s last blog ..Open Letters Friday, Volume XIV =-.

  2. February 26, 2010 12:56 pm

    I have often been the matchmaker so I understand the predicament.
    The risk is elevated when both sides of the possible match are close friends, but at the same time – why wouldn’t we want to see friends happy in relationships?

    I have witnessed the good and bad results of matchmaking.
    I have lost friends and I have also seen friends grow together, get married, have babies even.

    Relationships are always a risk. Period. Friends, lovers, spouses; they all have the potential to break our hearts. But if they don’t, the alternative is pretty damn nice.

  3. Frank permalink
    February 26, 2010 9:18 pm

    Social hermit?!

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