Hit in the head with wedding bells.
“That’s a long time, huh?”
Today, I ask you the advice.
I’m in a wonderful, happy, great relationship. We’re committed to one another, we live together, we have a dog. We’ve been together about 7 years and change.
No, we’re not married.
See? I knew you were going to ask. How? Because without fail, people always do. People ranging from friends, to doctors to random, new acquaintances. “So, are you guys going to get married?” or “He’s taking his time, huh?” or “When’s the wedding?”
Now, I have a variety of answers I give people. Most of them based on the truth. We had a lot of reasons for not getting married earlier, and while we want to get married eventually, and probably soon – it wasn’t a priority for us.
And yet, every time someone asks me about my marital status, I get defensive. Not always outwardly, but … it does happen. And sometimes I get insulted. I am pretty sure that while my boyfriend also gets teased about our long dating history, everyone is just razzing on him. But when it comes to women (or at least my experience) the gist is always “When is he going to ask?” as if I have no choice, and am just sitting here, waiting and wishing and hoping.
And as a feminist, that pisses me off. Why does everyone assume that making a commitment is entirely based on the man’s decision? And as a romantic, it stings. Because, when some people ask – I feel like they are looking at me and wondering why we are “stuck.” Yes, even though I know we aren’t, and the fact that we haven’t been officially “engaged” is largely a mutual decision. Even now, writing this post – I feel the urge to explain why. And that … bugs me.
So, dear readers and advice lovers — what can I say to those who ask? I know they mean well, and I’m not actually upset with anyone for asking. The issue is more my own than theirs – but what’s the best response? One that says “I’m confident in our decision” and “Why do you care?” and “Can we talk about anything else?”
Help Me Pick Between:
- A. “I’m sure that when we decide, we’ll be happy to share the news.”
- B. “We will in our own time.”
- C. The same responses I normally give, and just deal with feeling like I am making excuses
- D. Other: _________________