Making a Wish To Be Less Cranky
I am in a super cranky mood. No particular reason, and yet a bunch of reasons.
In no particular order, here’s what’s made me cranky this week:
1. My car’s lack of Sirius radio. Hello, first world problems. My sister has been nice enough to let me borrow her car during the week, so that Frank can have ours. But I didn’t borrow it this week, and I had been spoiled by her Sirius radio/Howard Stern. So now I am annoyed whenever I get into my car and don’t have Robin Quivers braying in my ear. And Howard kind of reminds me of my dad, and I really miss my dad. And I tend to miss him more when I am alone, driving in my car – because that’s when I have time to think. And I think about my dad. And now that I’m writing this, my guess is that it’s less about being cranky about Sirius radio and more being cranky about my dad. But I am too cranky for that level of introspection right now.
2. I went to a somewhat useless conference in Atlanta this week. Somewhat, because there was some team-building there, and I got to hear some interesting presentations and be inspired. But useless because right now, that inspiration just has to get locked into a “maybe later” vault, and I didn’t learn any of the real world applications that I had hoped to learn.
3. My lunches have sucked this week. Whether it was bad conference food, cafeteria food at work (the new guy is an awful wrap maker) or whether I brought it in from home (oh Trader Joe’s mideast feast – you have disappointed me), I love lunch. So I hate when it isn’t delicious.
4. I went to the gym. Okay, this may actually be in the positive column, but I’m always annoyed while I’m at the gym. I hate the stupid elliptical, I hate being bored, I hate being sore and I never quite get that amazing euphoric post-work out high that other gym-goers rave about. I know, there’s a lot I can do to combat my gym hate (i.e. take classes, use the pool, download podcasts) but … it made me cranky this week, so it’s on the list!
5. My family. I can’t go into too much detail, of course – but it just never seems to end. This one isn’t speaking to that one, this one did wrong, that one doesn’t call this one, this one doesn’t deserve the benefit of the doubt, this one is calling the cops on that one… It’s just exhausting. And the specter of everyone getting together at the end of next year for a wedding? Makes everything feel more tense.
6. Some random friends stuff. Weddings just never bring out the best in anyone, do they? A few weeks ago, a friend didn’t include me in a wedding-related event that surprised me. And I just recently became aware of how hurt I was by it. And I don’t really know how to handle it, except for backing away from her. I have no desire to mend the friendship which was already pretty broken, but has been maintained for political harmony reasons. But I seem to be doing that a lot lately — backing away. I wonder if that’s contributing to the cranky?
7. The Penn State Scandal. I just can’t wrap my head around people rioting about someone who helped to cover up children being raped. I get it, he’s a folk hero – but … kids were raped. I think that should trump most things. It’s okay to be disappointed and disillusioned, but the level of outrage seems to just be entirely disproportionate. And it makes me think a lot about a book I just read that I really recommend (Hush by Eishes Chayil) and about the community’s responsibility when someone is being hurt. Or bullied. And I think I’m really coming to terms with my own childhood bullying situation (which of course involved the friend in #6). And I’m just sad. And angry.
8. My dog has to go to the vet again. Anyone remember the Expensive Knee Surgery of the Summer? She’s been on painkillers this whole time. We finally weaned her down to zero, except – wean is a misnomer. The poor dog just isn’t walking right, and it’s breaking my heart. So, the vet wants to see her. He has seen her once before, and they couldn’t see anything by visually inspecting her. I don’t know what they expect to see differently tomorrow AM, but I have a bad feeling about more surgeries and expensive x-rays, etc. And I feel awful about being worried about money, because — the poor thing is in pain!
I know, this is getting long. But whenever I bitch about something negative, I try to add in a few positives. So, things that are making me smile?
1. My weekend plans. One is a fun surprise for a friend, and the other is some time with my buddy Jill. She has promised pumpkin-related food items. How could that not make you smile?
2. My friend’s baby. I’ve been trying to spend time with her once a week, and last night was our night together. Ever give a happy, giggling 5-week old a bath? I have! Cutest. Kid. Ever.