Someone Else’s Two Pink Lines

Proving once again that I even more awkward in real life than I am on the internet.

There I was, finishing up some consulting work with a new client. I had some one-on-one time with the young and talented community manager that I’ll be working with, and we were informally chatting and wrapping up. She expressed some concern that her primary market — mommy bloggers — would be upset or react negatively upon finding out that she was young, queer, and childless. I reassured her that as long as she was open and transparent, this wouldn’t be the case, and I used myself as an example.

I explained that the entire marketing department at our mom-focused company was currently without children. Then, in the oppressive heat of the NYC evening, I casually placed my hand closer to my body, to pick my too-tight dress away from my sweaty body, I remarked that, that was changing soon, and we were expecting our first child shortly.

She looked confused, and congratulated me. I thanked her.

I of course, was referring to our first department baby. A colleague is pregnant and due within a few weeks. But that’s totally not what I just said. I just told someone I was expecting a child, the implication clear that it was my own. And I didn’t really know how to fix it. I pulled my hand away from my stomach, and made some sort of mumbling comment about being really excited for her. And I tried to change the subject. Maybe I didn’t really say what I think I said?

But I totally did. I inadvertently claimed someone else’s child. And after some debate, and fear that I would eventually be once again called out as pregnant when I wasn’t, I wrote the most awkward email ever, telling a professional contact that I wasn’t, in fact, pregnant.

… this is why I work online.